The Cleveland Browns have burst out of the gate this season to an astounding 0-3 record. The team has had to work hard to be outscored 95-29 in those three games and it is no secret that they have managed to score only one offensive touchdown in their past nine games dating to last season. After the benching of Brady Quinn last week, Anderson came in to save the day. He went on to complete 11 of 19 passes for 92 yards and three interceptions. Brownieman.net was able to reach Anderson for comment, “I felt like I went out there and did what I can do,” Anderson said. “I don’t think I’m going to actually win games this season, but I know I can set the all-time franchise record for interceptions…which is quite an accomplishment. I’ll continue to telegraph passes and force throws into triple coverage until the record is all mine.” Anderson will get a chance to do just that this weekend as the starting QB against the Bengals.

The Browns are 0-3 so far this season. We don’t know who our quarterback is. Our offense couldn’t score with a handful of cash and a prostitute. The defense couldn’t tackle a dead man. Our coach is a huge bastard. Feeling depressed? When you feel like you can’t go on, call a suicide hotline: 1-800-784-2433.

Baltimore Ravens mascot “Poe” has been a source of gossip recently. He has always seemed like a straight shooting mascot, but lately the fans in Baltimore have been getting some pretty strong gay vibes from him.

Here’s what they have noticed:

- He loves going shopping.
- His drink of choice is a strawberry daiquiri.
- He doesn’t like football.
- He has a Donna Summers CD in his car.
- He gets manicures and pedicures.
- He always knows the celebrity gossip before they do.

Is he gay, or just a metro sexual? Just like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, the world….may never know.

Baltimore head coach John Harbaugh will be allowed to wear a Raven costume on the sideline during this weekend’s game against the Cleveland Browns, an NFL spokesman said today. “We’ve agreed to coach Harbaugh’s request,” said Brian McCarthy, the NFL’s director of communications. “He told us he was looking to wear his special outfit for both games against the Browns, as a way to mess with expansion team from Cleveland.” McCarthy emphasized that it is the NFL that determines the policy for what coaches can wear on the sideline, not any of the clothing suppliers the league works with. “We approved the sleeveless hoodie look that Bill Belichick likes, as well as the girdle and lingerie that Mike Tomlin prefers,” McCarthy said. According to the NFL, Commissioner Goodell took a hard look at this request and he supports Harbaugh’s desire to taunt the Browns and show his Raven spirit. However, Goodell ruled that the coach would not be permitted to hold a sign during the game that said “Thanks for the Super Bowl, Modell.” Apparently he thought that would be a little much. The Browns visit Baltimore on Sunday.

Kyle Orton was 19-of-37 for 263 yards and a touchdown as Denver defeated the Cleveland Browns, 27-6, at INVESCO Field on Sunday. The Broncos have won the season’s first two games for the third straight year, as well as their 10th consecutive home opener. But perhaps the most memorable part of the game was the second half, when Orton took the field wearing only a helmet. “The game was too close for comfort at halftime, so I thought to myself ‘What can I do to distract the Browns defense?’ That’s when the idea came to me,” said Orton after the game. Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels said he had nothing to do with Orton disrobing, but he noted that it was an act of sure brilliance. “We are not a good football team and we know we have to do whatever it takes week in and week out to win games. Kyle’s decision to go out there with his junk hanging out for the whole world to see…..that is the definition of a team player,” he said, holding back tears. Brady Quinn was 18-of-31 for 161 yards for the Browns (0-2), who dropped their eighth straight game dating back to last November. “Obviously, I’m very disappointed about the game,” said Browns head coach Eric Mangini. “We weren’t expecting to see Orton’s junk in the second half and I think it scared the sh*t out of some of the guys. But when adversity strikes, we have to do a better job to be able to respond to it.” The Browns hope to regroup this week before traveling to Baltimore to play the Ravens next Sunday.

A Denver man who served as the Bronco’s mascot before his death last month in a lawn mowing accident is being remembered at INVESCO Field this weekend. A celebration of the life of John Davies, who would have been entering his 32nd season as “Dale the Donkey”, is scheduled Sunday before the game against the Browns. Davies died three days after being hit by a drunk lawn mower operator at a park near his Colorado home. He was 52 years old. Friends and other people who knew Davies well during his time with the Broncos are expected to offer their support to his family, who will be in attendance on Sunday. “He was an ass, but he was our ass, and we are proud to have known him,” said one season ticket holder. A benefit concert will be scheduled later this year to honor Davies and raise money for the D.A.D.M. (Donkeys Against Drunk Mowing). The show will feature NFL players, and well as a laser light show.

The NFL has fined Browns head coach Eric Mangini for violating the league’s rules on injury reporting when he was the coach of the New York Jets last season. The team failed to place Favre, now with the Minnesota Vikings, on the injury report during the final month of the season, even though he had a torn biceps tendon and his arm was barely attached to his body. The league, wanting to set an example, has fined the Jets 7 million pesos and Mangini and Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum 2 million pesos each. It is unclear why the NFL will not accept U.S. currency. Mangini now wants to put the situation behind him. “I have worked with the league on this matter and now consider it closed,” he said in a statement. “It was difficult to find a currency exchange facility in Cleveland, but we got it done and now my focus is on our preparations for the Broncos.” Commissioner Goodell said Monday that the case would be an opportunity for the league to stress the importance of gambling on NFL games.

The Minnesota Vikings announced today that they have officially changed the name of their mascot to the Viqueens in an effort to more accurately reflect the players on the 2009 roster. In addition, the team unveiled a new logo as part of their re-branding effort. “Today marks the next era in Minnesota football,” General Manager Rick Spielman said on Thursday. “Our new look is part of our continuing effort to celebrate the culture of girly men that we have been cultivating here since 1961. It also serves as a reminder to other NFL fans that we are a bunch of sissies that prefer to play football indoors.” The new logo depicts a pink, blushing Viking in drag, complete with a purple bow in her braid. Fans will also notice new “unisex” team lettering inspired by the thousands of confused football fans from the North Star State. Fans wishing to purchase new jerseys or other merchandise featuring the new logo can visit www.viqueenstoys.com.