After just a couple of weeks of practice, the new Browns’ offense made an impressive preseason debut Saturday night. Colt McCoy engineered two touchdowns in three possessions and the backups made them hold up in a 27-17 victory over the Green Bay Packers, making a winner of Pat Shurmur in his first exhibition game as an NFL head coach. “It was fun. It was very exciting,” Shurmur said. “Screw the regular season. This team is ready for the playoffs!” McCoy was almost perfect on his two scoring drives. He was 9-of-10 for 135 yards, tossing a 27-yard touchdown pass to Josh Cribbs and setting up a Peyton Hillis TD on a 37-yard seam pass to tight end Benjamin Watson. Although the game didn’t count for shit, the Browns players and fans seemed poised to schedule a Super Bowl victory parade in 2012. It’s worth noting though that Green Bay’s starters only played for a few minutes. That didn’t seem to matter to RB Peyton Hillis.”I can’t believe these guys won it all last year,” said Hillis, who had a 3-yard scoring run and 16 yards overall on five carries. “I can see why EA Sports picked me for the cover of Madden NFL this year.” Shurmur did nothing but add fuel to the fire. “I thought the team looked pretty damn sharp. We executed well, and put points on the board against the defending Super Bowl champs. That has to count for something. I want a bronze statue outside of Cleveland Browns stadium right fuckin now!” McCoy thought the team looked pretty good as well. “We wanted to create a tempo that would allow us to kick the shit out of Green Bay, and as you can see by the scoreboard over my shoulder there, we did just that.”

During the offseason, Browns second year quarterback Colt McCoy decided he needed some help learning the team’s new West Coast offense – especially since the lockout prevented him from meeting with the coaching staff. So McCoy packed his bags and headed to Hattiesburg, Mississippi to pick the brain of 3-time NFL MVP and Wrangler spokesman, Brett Favre. Following practice today, McCoy described, in detail, the time he shared this summer with Favre, who seems to have finally retired for good. McCoy said the pair of quarterbacks — the graying gunslinger and his eager protégé – immersed themselves in learning.”I learned a lot,” McCoy said, “He even taught me how to pee-pee in a big boy potty, so I can’t thank him enough for the time he spent with me. I have a much better grasp of the offense and I’ll be more comfortable during games this season, now that I don’t have to wear Pampers anymore.” The news came as a surprise to many Browns fans, some of whom wondered if Favre helped him go number two as well. “We didn’t even go there,” McCoy said, laughing. “We just talked football and limited the restroom instruction to number one. He really helped me though. The guy has been peeing like a big boy for almost 40 years, so he’s a great resource to have and I appreciate him being willing to spend a couple of days with me to help me out. He even gave me a free pair of Wranglers! Check these bad boys out!” Calls to Favre seeking comment were not immediately returned.

According to NFL source, veteran running back and Bob Marley super-fan Ricky Williams has agreed to a rather unconventional, and downright felonious, two-year deal with the Baltimore Ravens. The team will announce the deal on Monday, pending Williams passing a physical. Instead of getting paid millions of dollars, the running back worked out a deal between the Ravens and his long time drug dealer to pay him $2.5 million dollars worth of marijuana in 2011. The contract could also include some escalators that would increase his compensation to $4 million worth of pot, the source told brownieman.net. The 34-year-old Williams has 9,565 yards rushing in 131 career games. Not bad for someone who admittedly smoked his weight in weed before each game. In 2010, he rushed for 673 yards for the Miami Dolphins while sharing the football and his bong with Ronnie Brown. Williams had been with the Dolphins since 2002, longer than any other player on their roster. His longevity is a surprise considering he retired for a season in 2004 to spend time working for a Columbian drug cartel. He then had a brief stint as Editor in Chief for High Times magazine and played in only one NFL game in 2006-07.