The true identity of Brownie Man (a.k.a. The Brown Knight) is unknown. Many people believe he is a wealthy businessman, playboy, and philanthropist living somewhere in the continental U.S. Others believe he is just a random jackass who lives in his parent’s basement. Unlike most superheroes, Brownie Man does not possess any superpowers. He cannot fly or run fast. In fact, the only thing Brownie Man can do is cheer on his beloved Cleveland Browns. We hope you won’t hold that against him.

Hometown: Sandusky, Ohio

Sex: Unknown

Age: Too old to be playing dress up

Languages: Viel wie der Teufel, spreche ich alle Sprachen. Folgen Sie mir zu Hölle, meine Freunde!

Employer: brownieman.net

Education: School of Hard Knocks

Religion: Pro-Browns

Political Views: Anti-Steelers

Favorite Quote: “We’re gonna hand the ball to Byner so he can tie this game up. The Broncos defense sucks balls and there is no way Earnest will fumble.” — Bernie Kosar, 1988 AFC Championship Game