Eric Mangini announced today that he will partner with Richard Petty Motorsports to compete in the NASCAR’s Sprint Cup Series in 2010. Team officials said the agreement with Mangini will bring an entirely new fan base to a sport followed primarily by Yinzers. “We will run in every race next season,” said Bruce Sadler, Team Mangina’s Vice President of Competition. “We want Team Mangina to be one of the most successful stand alone teams in the series. Eric will drive his own car, and we hope Browns fans will come out and support him, even though this isn’t really a sport.” The Browns’ head coach is slated to drive the number 19 car for Team Mangina at New Hampshire Motor Speedway next year.

Head coach Eric Mangini designed his Super Bowl XLIV championship ring to look different than the rest. And why not? Since Super Bowl XLIV has not been played yet. Mangini went with sixteen round, brilliant cut diamonds surrounding the Browns logo. The four diamonds on the right side of the logo represent the Browns’ four AAFC championships; the four on the left represent their NFL championships; the four on the top represent the four years that the city did not have a team in the late 90’s; and the four diamonds on the bottom represent the 40,000 fan suicides reported since the team was formed in 1946. Mangini intends to give each player a ring at the end of training camp and intends to wear his on the sidelines moving forward. “I think it will be motivational for the team. That, and I really wanted some sweet-ass bling,” Mangini said from his office in Berea. “When I showed the guys my design – we saw a bunch of grown men act like little kids. It was like Christmas: You beg your parents to get you what you really want. But you never know how excited you are going to be until you open up that box on Christmas morning.”

In a recent interview with brownieman.net, head coach Eric Mangini admitted that he has been practicing his patented “what the f*ck?!” facial expression since the late 1970’s. “Facial expressions are an important channel of nonverbal communication,” he said. “They provide commentary and illustration about verbal communications.” Mangini went on to say that he has been able to utilize the WTF facial expression on several occasions since joining the Cleveland Browns. “I used it when I first met Big Baby Rogers; when I read fan blogs about my draft selections; while talking to Cribbs about his brief holdout; whenever I field questions about the starting QB situation; and anytime I see Braylon let a ball bounce off his chest. It really comes in handy and communicates much more to a player than simply throwing a clipboard at him.” Mangini would neither confirm nor deny that he is working on another facial expression in preparation for training camp, but rumors continue to fly around Berea.

Local doctors have surgically removed Eric Mangini’s left thumb from his ass, in an attempt to help him reach a decision on the starting quarterback situation in Cleveland. Many believe that the thumb has been lodged in Mangini’s rectum since he was hired by the Browns in January. The doctor at the Cleveland Clinic that performed the operation was reluctant to give an exact timetable for the coach to choose his QB, but he is hopeful that rest and physical therapy will help speed up the decision making process now that the obstruction has been removed. Mangini is expected to make a full recovery.

The Cleveland Browns reported on Wednesday that head coach Eric Mangini has been diagnosed with stage three swine flu, becoming the latest American to fall victim to the virus. In the United States, the total number of confirmed cases has doubled in recent weeks, according to the Center for Disease Control, but this is the first one to hit the NFL. Brownieman.net spoke with Dr. Richard Figler, the Browns’ head physician about the news. “I was just appointed to this position a week ago. I thought our biggest problem would be shoulder and knee injuries at mini-camp; maybe a staph infection or two…but this was not on my radar,” he said from his office in Cleveland. Figler noted that Mangini has been quarantined and that every inch of every room at the Browns’ facilities is being scrubbed and disinfected. “We have no idea how he got it, but he looks like sh*t,” Figler said, “There’s no way he can coach this team looking like a character from a demented fairy tale.” Meanwhile, Britain’s health secretary announced that their Health Protection Agency has identified the full genetic code of the swine flu virus, the first step in developing a vaccine.

The Cleveland Browns, along with Aramark Food Service, have plans in place to add two new items to the 2009 concession stand menu: a chocolate frozen banana, and a pseudo-Italian dish simply called “The Mangini”, in honor of the team’s new head coach. “After several seasons without significant changes to the menu, we decided to spice things up a bit,” said Matt Delgado, the Browns’ director of food and beverages. “The item most talked about this offseason was the Mangini. It can serve about four people (or Shaun Rogers) and will cost an estimated $15 per plate.” According to Aramark, the ingredients of the Mangini include two pounds of grilled hamburger, vanilla pudding, crunched up tortilla chips, and pasta shaped like football helmets. Delgado later added, “Mangini is Italian…or at least his name SOUNDS Italian…and he made a cameo appearance on the Sopranos in 2007, so we think this addition to the menu makes sense.” I, for one, can hardly wait to try it.