» Draft

BM Poised to be Drafted by Browns

admin — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 19:31:12 +0000

Brownie Man began dreaming of the NFL when he was in eighth grade. At the time, he was a mere brownie bite. But even then, he had a plan. He would catch touchdown passes, maybe even win a Super Bowl. So excuse the All-American if he’s not deliriously happy over the three-day draft, which begins tonight in New York. Playing in the NFL is just part of his plan. Draft experts are split on where the Brown Knight, a 6-foot-2, 205-pound wide receiver, will go in the draft. But nearly everybody agrees that he’ll be off the board in the first round. He has visited 10 teams over the past few weeks but has said that his heart is in Cleveland. “I’d like the Brownies to pick me up at #7. Really, it is the only logical choice, because I’m not wearing any other jersey or helmet. So, St. Louis can select me #1 overall, but I’ll look pretty stupid running around that dome of theirs in my Browns gear.” The Brown Knight’s agent, Drew Rosenhaus, has guaranteed the caped crusader will be taken in the first round. It’s a main reason why Brownie Man opted to bypass his senior season for a shot at the pros. He will learn his fate within a matter of hours.

Woods to Join Cleveland Browns?

admin — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:06:36 +0000

Professional golfer and prostitute enthusiast Tiger Woods announced today that he will be retiring from golf and entering the 2010 NFL draft as a wide receiver. This came as a shock to many people in the sports world that assumed he would apologize for his transgressions and announce his return to the sport he has dominated since he was a fetus. Woods spoke today from the clubhouse at TPC Sawgrass, home of the PGA Tour. Ironically, his statement came during the Match Play Championship, sponsored by Accenture, the first company to drop him as a pitchman. Way to stick it to the man, Tiger! His agent, Mark Steinberg believes that Woods could be picked up by the Browns, who have the #7 overall pick in the draft, even though his client has no experience playing the game of football. “While Tiger feels what happened is fundamentally a matter between he and his wife, he also recognizes that he has got to get the hell out of the public eye for a while. At first, we thought rehab was the answer. But having an opportunity to play for the Cleveland Browns virtually guarantees that no one will see his face on TV for another 3-5 years,” Steinberg said in an e-mail on Friday. “It’s a win-win for everyone. He’s in great shape and NFL ready. The Browns get a receiver, and Tiger gets to fade away into obscurity.” Sounds just like what the Cleveland Browns need….more drama! Should make for an interesting season.

Browns Draft New Fan Base

admin — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 14:52:54 +0000

The 2009 NFL Draft made for an exciting weekend in Cleveland. The Browns moved down three times in the first round, trading from No. 5 to No. 17 to No. 19 and then No. 21, picking up a second and two sixth round picks in the process. When finally making their first selection at No. 21, Cleveland decided to draft – a new fan base. The move came as a shock to many NFL experts, who thought the team would be looking to draft offensive and defensive football players. Brownieman.net spoke with Browns’ GM George Kokinis about his decision. “We are committed to improving football in Cleveland in every way we can,” he said from his office in Berea. “This includes stadium employees, players, personnel, and the fan base.” Kokinis noted that he and Mangini were sick of all the criticism from the fans prior to the draft and said he looks forward to a fresh start. The new fan base comes primarily from China, Mexico, and Poland which should make for interestingly diverse Dawg Pound.

Rock, Paper, Scissors to Decide Draft?

admin — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:43:29 +0000

According to an anonymous source close to the team, the Cleveland Browns will use a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine their selections in the upcoming 2009 NFL draft. It has been rumored for weeks that Mangini and Kokinis could not agree on a draft board, but this latest development has many fans upset. “If they move forward with this ridiculous strategy, I’m going to jump off a f*cking building,” said life-long fan Steve Jones. “Originally I wanted them to deal their first pick to another team for additional draft picks, but not if they’re gonna pull this sh*t,” he continued. It should make for an exciting weekend!

Cleveland Cop to Enter NFL Draft

admin — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:12:47 +0000

While on a routine patrol in Cleveland’s Collinwood neighborhood on Wednesday, Officer Gerald Jackson told his partner of 12 years that it would be their last ride together. Earlier that morning, Jackson decided he would enter the 2009 NFL draft. Brownieman.net spoke with him about his decision. “I graduated with a degree in criminal justice, but I’ve always wanted to play quarterback in the NFL,” he said. “I think my chances of getting picked up are pretty good. Anyone that has seen me patrol the Muni lot during Browns tailgates knows I have a cannon for an arm. I can usually toss a football through a tire on my fifth or sixth throw,” he said. Jackson, who is 5-foot-7, 200 pounds, has no college football experience. “That’s what makes me dangerous. No NFL defense can prepare to face me because I’m not on tape. I’m a unique player who can bring a lot to a team,” he said. If Jackson does not sign with an agent and decides to return to the CPD, he must submit a letter informing the NFL of his intentions by midnight on Friday.

Browns Poised to Draft God in 2009

admin — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 07:32:41 +0000

According to an anonymous NFL source, the Cleveland Browns plan to select senior Notre Dame captain ‘God’ with their first pick in the upcoming draft. Arguably the most versatile player available, the Browns could use God virtually anywhere — up to and including the coaching booth. With his athleticism, durability and knack for pulling off miracles, God could be used as a player/coach on both sides of the football. Many believe that he will eventually become the savior of the struggling franchise. So much for Quinn, Edwards, and Thomas.

All I Want For Christmas

admin — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:05:00 +0000

The 2009 NFL draft begins on April 25th, just eight months before Christmas. I believe it’s never too early to begin working on your wish list, so here’s mine: 1) For f*ck sake, get us some help on defense! Specifically, a LB that can pass-rush and a safety that isn’t clearly on the opposing team’s payroll. 2) Add a decent receiver to the roster – preferably one that can catch. 3) Resolve the QB controversy BEFORE training camp begins, even if that means half of Brownie Nation defects to Baltimore. 4) An official Red Ryder carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock. Santa, PLEASE make it happen!