Man Arrested for Indecent Exposure
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
A man covered with Steelers tattoos was arrested after he exposed himself to woman on the Southside neighborhood in Pittsburgh this afternoon. The intoxicated 33-year-old hillbilly was running down Carson Street screaming when he noticed a woman he thought he knew sitting outside a bar, according to the incident report. The man called out to the woman by name, but she didn’t respond. After calling to her a second time, he realized she wasn’t the woman he thought and so he unzipped his pants and exposed himself to her. His testicles were tattooed with the faces of Kordell Stewart and Larry Foote, both former Steelers. The woman told the man to go away several times, but he refused and police were called. After local law enforcement responded to the scene, the man, who also had tattoos of the Eat’n Park logo on his hands, ran away. Police found him hiding behind a fence and arrested him for indecent exposure, blatant stupidity, and disorderly conduct. Ironically, the man that was arrested in Cleveland recently on similar charges.
The Browns are 0-3 so far this season. We don’t know who our quarterback is. Our offense couldn’t score with a handful of cash and a prostitute. The defense couldn’t tackle a dead man. Our coach is a huge bastard. Feeling depressed? When you feel like you can’t go on, call a suicide hotline: 1-800-784-2433. 
Toledo police arrested a 29-year-old Wal-Mart employee Wednesday accused of stealing more than $7,000 worth of costume material from the store. Kylee Jane Gates, who is originally from Austin, Minnesota, is charged with three counts of felony grand theft and nine counts of misdemeanor petit theft. Gates is being held at the Lucas County Jail and will make her initial court appearance on Friday. Toledo police officials say they were contacted by Wal-Mart’s loss prevention department earlier this week when they suspected Gates was stealing. “I didn’t actually see her stuff the Viking helmet down her shirt, but it was pretty obvious that she did. No one has boobs shaped like elephant tusks,” a loss prevention detective said. After police took Gates into custody, they recovered several other items including a braided wig, a knife, and a Viking goblet. Gates told police she needed the items for the game this Sunday in Cleveland. The charge of grand theft is punishable by up to 20 years in prison, but many believe a better punishment would be for Ms. Gates to wear her ridiculous outfit to the Muni Lot tailgate before the game. 
The Associated Press has learned that Brownie Man will be in attendance at this evening’s preseason game in Chicago. According to a recent report, the Brown Knight plans to wear a disguise in order to avoid the paparazzi and embarrassing his fiancé. However, it is unclear if Brownie Man will be altering his existing disguise or wearing something entirely different. The Browns take on the Bears tonight at 8pm ET at Soldier Field. 
An unidentified man burst into Eric Mangini’s office on Wednesday morning wielding a gun and demanding to know the 2009 training camp schedule. The incident occurred 7am in Berea, and Mangini reportedly remained calm. He told the armed man that the he had very few details about the camp schedule and that it has to remain flexible for various reasons. But even at gunpoint, Mangini would not say why. Instead, Mangini offered the overzealous fan the following partial schedule: 
Daryl Jenks, pictured at left, took a trip to the local video store on Thursday night. Little did he realize that brownieman.net would be there to snap his picture. I’m not sure what I like best about Mr. Jenks: the leather Stillers coat in 80 degree heat, the Guns & Roses studded belt, or the frosted-tip mullet. Art Rooney II was not in the store when the picture was taken, but this reporter has a hard time believing that Art would defend the appearance of a moron like this. Jenks is just a gold necklace away from the next edition of Ripley’s Believe it or Not. We all know those crazy Yinzers love showing their Stiller pride, but I have a hard time not laughing when I see fans like this. God bless them! 
Barry Martorano, a meat head from Clyde (Ohio), simply could not wait to make his 2009 season predictions for the Browns. To the best of our knowledge, Martorano is the first fan to predict a perfect 16-0 season for the Browns, who are coming off a dismal 4-12 performance in 2008. If the Browns do go undefeated, it would be the first time an NFL team has done so since the Miami Dolphins pulled it off in 1972. Let’s take a look at Martorano’s predictions by week: 
Season ticket holder and Akron native Bill Watts says he’s good at assessing his favorite team’s talent. So much so, that he often brings neon cardboard signs to Browns games to share his thoughts with other fans during commercial breaks. Some people in his section think the signs are Bill’s way of getting attention and an attempt to get his face on TV. Others think he is somewhat of a football prophet. Watts has been known to say insightful things to other Browns fans during the course of a game, such as, “We need to score more points this half,” or “This is a huge third down.” But at no other time has his assessment been more accurate than the day he held up a sign that said, “Braylon couldn’t even catch a staph infection.” He proudly unveiled the sign following a 16-6 loss to the Houston Texans. Anyone who witnessed Edwards’ play knows that Watts was spot-on. Bill’s wit and attention to detail have earned him a place in the hearts of everyone here at brownieman.net. 
A Westlake man has been arrested for impersonating Brownie Man at Cleveland State University on Wednesday evening, police said. Jose Harrera, 21, was encountered by officers responding to a domestic disturbance call on Chester Avenue, said Lt. Eric Trainor of the Cleveland Police Department. Harrera was manning the keg at an off-campus party being hosted by local students, but he knew no one at the party personally. Police believe his elaborate costume enabled him to gain entry to the party uninvited. Harrera told party-goers that he was Brownie Man, and he continued that ridiculous story when confronted by police, Trainor said. Harrera was charged with one felony count of impersonating a beloved super hero, and is free on a $5,000 bond. 
President Obama admitted he told a “minor fib” during his run for the White House. In an interview with brownieman.net, Obama confessed that he is a fan of the Cleveland Browns. This contradicts earlier statements he made on the campaign trail that he grew up a Steelers fan. The president said he has learned a lesson from the debacle. “Uh, I consider this a mistake on my part, and I am sitting down with you today to clear the air. While I was campaigning in Western Pennsylvania, uh, I told a few people I was a Steelers fan. That could not be further from the truth. Uh, I was just trying to get votes in a crucial swing state. The sad thing is that those Yinzers actually believed me. Uh, when I was in Green Bay, I said I was a Packers fan, ya know? Come on people, I’m a politician!” Obama said. “Uh, ultimately I have to take responsibility for this lapse in judgment. I, uh, hope the people of Brownie Nation understand. Please know that my heart is in the right place. Uh, I am, and have always been, a Cleveland Browns fan.” This admission, along with the controversial economic stimulus plan, has made for a rocky start to Obama’s presidency.
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