You know the old saying: April showers bring…well, apparently a new logo for the Cleveland Browns. The classic logo-less helmet will get a makeover this spring, according to team President Mike Holmgren. The team plans to make an official announcement next week. The new logo was originally posted on a fan’s blog after someone spotted the Brown’s trademark application on the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office website. In response to the post, Holmgren sent an internal memo to members of his staff in Berea, to help them answer questions about the project. Holmgren confirmed that he wrote the memo, but would not go into much detail about the new helmet design, including why it features “Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” logo from the popular television show South Park. “There will be a variety of different elements that will take some getting used to,” he said. “But we feel that the new helmets are more in-line with the product we’ve been putting on the field that last couple of seasons. Originally were exploring various mangina logos, but the censors wouldn’t let us move forward. I ultimately decided to fire Eric (Mangini) so we could explore other logo options. Until our play improves substantially, Mr. Hankey will be featured on our helmets.” Holmgren went on to say that the addition of the new logo will make the team’s helmets easier to see on the field – because bright orange is damn near camouflage on the gridiron.

The Cleveland Browns unveiled renovated restrooms at Cleveland Browns Stadium on Friday and Todd Argust, Director of Stadium Operations, says he hopes the changes will one day lure a Super Bowl to town. The women’s restrooms have been doubled in size in an effort to cut down on long lines during games, while the changes in the men’s restrooms were more aesthetic. They have been updated to include more urinals of varying heights and life-size photos of women above each station. The women, Argust says, are fully clothed. “This is a venue for families,” he said. “So we decided to keep the images PG-13. Not what I wanted to do, but I have to answer to big Mike (Holmgren).” The images include women taking photographs – presumably of a would-be urinator’s junk; a woman holding a measuring tape; and a few young ladies simply making surprised faces. Argust said the new artwork is, “more of a joke than anything else”, and should be taken as such. Assuming there is a 2011 season, the new restrooms will open in early September, but the Browns hope the new attraction will eventually lure the Super Bowl to Cleveland. “The first step is to see how the cold-weather Super Bowl goes in New York,” Argust said. “If the league has a good experience, then there will undoubtedly be teams that come back and ask for a cold-weather Super Bowl, and we would certainly be on that list. I mean, who wouldn’t want to piss here?!” The renovation cost the team about $1.6 million dollars, and they are the first changes to the stadium since it opened in 1999.

Cleveland police arrested a man yesterday who played a role in a series of local bank robberies, including one at a Huntington Bank branch on Friday. Ted Levine, 54, was arrested at 8:43 a.m. Friday following a car chase, according to the police log. Levin is a television and film actor best known for playing the role of Buffalo Bill in the 1991 movie “Silence of the Lambs”. A native of Bellaire, Ohio, Levin is an avid Browns fan and not afraid to show his team spirit. On Wednesday, a man described as white, between the ages of 50 – 60, about 5-feet-11 inches, wearing a Cleveland Browns hat, Jim Brown jersey, and high heels, entered the Huntington Bank branch on Euclid Avenue and handed a teller a note demanding money. According to police the note read, “It puts the money in the basket. It does this whenever it is told.” When the bank teller questioned the meaning of the note, Levin yelled, “PUT THE MONEY IN THE F*CKIN BASKET!!!” He then fled with an undisclosed sum of cash and the skin of the teller in what police believe was a 1996 white Chevrolet van. A man fitting similar descriptions is a suspect in six other recent bank robberies. In all of those cases, a similar note was given to the tellers, just prior to their faces being peeled off. According to police, Levin faces charges of robbery, operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license, failure to stop for police and scaring the shit out of everyone he comes across.

According to the AP, Brownie Man and the Tooth Fairy arrived in Washington today, in a bid to jump-start contentious and slow-moving labor negotiations between the NFL and the Player’s Association. More than three hours after the pair arrived, the owners and the Players Association released a joint statement saying the mediation had started and that both parties agreed to adhere to the Tooth Fairy’s request that they not speak publicly about the process. True to their word, the owners and players declined to answer questions on their way out of the meeting. It wasn’t immediately clear when the sides would resume talks. However, Brownie Man did speak briefly when he showed up Friday morning. “Look at me. Clearly I live for football. What the hell am I gonna do this Fall without it? So I’m here to help get this resolved.” he told the Associated Press. When asked what progress he expected to come from his presence, he simply replied: “Go Browns!” The current collective bargaining agreement expires this week, but the start of mediation could be a positive sign after several months of infrequent negotiations. Prior to the meeting, the Tooth Fairy said that she would do her part by leaving fifty cents for each tooth left under the pillows of NFL owners and players.

Brett Skilling, a Cleveland Browns season ticket holder since 1999, says he contemplated suicide after the team finished 5-11 for the second season in a row. “About a week after the final game of the season, some knob in Berea thought it would be a good idea to send a season ticket renewal email out. I basically came to the conclusion that death would be better than taking one more minute of this shit.” Skilling told brownieman.net in an interview on Saturday. He said he sought psychiatric help but was only able to emerge from a deep, two-year malaise after the Steelers were beaten in the Super Bowl. “That loss, in a lot of ways, was the turning point,” Skilling said. “That’s when I started climbing back. I could breath again.” During those couple of years of depression, Skilling said he turned into a recluse, bringing signs to the game that voiced his displeasure with management. “I feel like I spoke for everyone in section 213. Hell – everyone in the stadium, for that matter,” he said. Skilling realizes the Browns are rebuilding again, but he now believes he can cope with another season. “At some point, people will ask what that shit is on the field,” he said. “It would be good if someone was there to tell them.”

In addition to a new coaching staff and (most likely) a few adjustments to the roster, the Browns unveiled a new logo for the 2011 season; one that is a little more in-line with how the team has been managed over the last twelve years. The new logo was designed by MDB Creative and is a new take on the “dawg” logo introduced in the late 90’s. It has more of a Cleveland feel with the artistic additions of a red nose and crossed eyes, characteristics synonymous with the team’s owner, Randy Lerner.

“I’m thrilled with our new logo and hope the fans feel the same way,” said Cleveland Browns President, Mike Holmgren. “It was essential that it came across with a classic look, and the new additions really capped it off. We’re very excited to have a logo more befitting an organization of this caliber.”
The Browns plan to incorporate the new logo on their website and promotional products in the Spring of 2011. Whether or not it appears on the sides of their famous helmets has yet to be seen. Fan reaction to this announcement has been mostly positive. “I love it! It takes the words right out of my mouth,” said Bob Crossman, 56, from Toledo, OH.

However, not all of the fans are convinced that changes were necessary. On particularly irate fan cursed upper management and said the team, “needs to spend more time preparing for the draft, not drawing cartoon animals.” Cleveland Browns season tickets are available now by calling (888) CLOWNS1. Reserve yours today!