Darren Jacobs is just like every 33 year old Browns fan – a little overweight, a lover of pornography, and very much an alcoholic. But one thing sets Darren apart from the rest – he still believes in Santa Claus. Since 1999, Jacobs has asked Saint Nick for “a real football team” but every year he gets a 12 pack of multi-colored tube socks and some cheap Walgreen’s after shave from his deadbeat parents. Someone needs to tell this poor bastard that Santa does not exist before it is too late. We don’t need another serial killer in Cleveland, and it doesn’t take a professional chimney sweep to determine that it is impossible for an obese man in a red suit to go down a chimney. If you know Darren Jacobs, or anyone like him, please do your part this holiday season and tell him there is no happy ending to this season and that Santa is not listening to him because he is busy NOT EXISTING!

Tags: Brownie Man, Cleveland Browns

This entry was posted on Monday, November 30th, 2009 at 5:01 pm and is filed under Fans. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.