Brownie Man surprised fans this morning by arriving at training camp in a most unusual way – via hot air balloon. Built in the shape of an obese woman’s ass, the balloon was nearly 90 feet tall and held 110,000 cubic feet of air. The caped crusader heard a roar of cheers as he floated down to the practice field to deliver a speech in front of players and fans. The reception appeared to make Brownie Man get a little choked up. “I really didn’t plan on getting emotional,” he said. “I can’t say what this means to me. It’s just surreal. I mean, first the lockout ends, and then the Browns ask me to arrive in this, rather crude, balloon to help them open training camp. I’ve never felt so honored.” The Brown Knight went on to say that he took three practice runs leading up this morning’s main event. It went off without a hitch – except for maybe his nerves. At about 65,000 feet, his hands began to sweat and his heart began racing. Brownie Man landed on the 10-yard line near the south end zone before unhooking his harness and waving to the cheering crowd. Too bad he didn’t land in the end zone — it might have been the first and only Browns touchdown of the season. As for hot air ballooning, Brownie Man said he’s taken his last ride. “I’m glad I got an opportunity to do this, but there is no way in hell I’m going to ride that fat lady’s ass again. I can cross this off my bucket list.”

Watch out, Yinzers. That lanky man with the scary orange goggles? He’s got a badge and a gun. And he used to have a reality TV show. If you missed last night’s premiere of Cleveland Vice , you missed one of the best cop shows since – well, COPS. But sadly, the show was cancelled after just one episode. NBC sited “behavioral issues and artistic differences” as the reasons for their decision, but did not elaborate further. Brownie Man has never been known for his sense of right and wrong or an awareness that his cape crusading image is really kinda creepy. When he appeared on The View earlier this month to promote Cleveland Vice, he sat between the hosts, a serene Buddha in a cape and goggles, answering questions from Whoopi and the others with a furrowed brow and deadly seriousness – as though he was being quizzed on the mysteries of human existence. Similarly, on Cleveland Vice, Brownie Man seemed utterly clueless about how he came off. Sitting in the passenger seat of a squad car roaring off to a crime scene, he started giving his partner directions – which were completely ignored. It seemed clear that his partner had been led down a few one-way streets the wrong way by Brownie in the past. He then arrived at a crime scene at which the suspect was already on the ground. Heaving out of the squad car, he ran over and yelled, “I’ll get him! Taser! Taser!” You could hear faint voices in the background saying, “No! No!” The poor suspect was already in the process of being cuffed. NBC said that they will air re-runs of Frasier until a replacement for the show is announced.