After just a couple of weeks of practice, the new Browns’ offense made an impressive preseason debut Saturday night. Colt McCoy engineered two touchdowns in three possessions and the backups made them hold up in a 27-17 victory over the Green Bay Packers, making a winner of Pat Shurmur in his first exhibition game as an NFL head coach. “It was fun. It was very exciting,” Shurmur said. “Screw the regular season. This team is ready for the playoffs!” McCoy was almost perfect on his two scoring drives. He was 9-of-10 for 135 yards, tossing a 27-yard touchdown pass to Josh Cribbs and setting up a Peyton Hillis TD on a 37-yard seam pass to tight end Benjamin Watson. Although the game didn’t count for shit, the Browns players and fans seemed poised to schedule a Super Bowl victory parade in 2012. It’s worth noting though that Green Bay’s starters only played for a few minutes. That didn’t seem to matter to RB Peyton Hillis.”I can’t believe these guys won it all last year,” said Hillis, who had a 3-yard scoring run and 16 yards overall on five carries. “I can see why EA Sports picked me for the cover of Madden NFL this year.” Shurmur did nothing but add fuel to the fire. “I thought the team looked pretty damn sharp. We executed well, and put points on the board against the defending Super Bowl champs. That has to count for something. I want a bronze statue outside of Cleveland Browns stadium right fuckin now!” McCoy thought the team looked pretty good as well. “We wanted to create a tempo that would allow us to kick the shit out of Green Bay, and as you can see by the scoreboard over my shoulder there, we did just that.”

During the offseason, Browns second year quarterback Colt McCoy decided he needed some help learning the team’s new West Coast offense – especially since the lockout prevented him from meeting with the coaching staff. So McCoy packed his bags and headed to Hattiesburg, Mississippi to pick the brain of 3-time NFL MVP and Wrangler spokesman, Brett Favre. Following practice today, McCoy described, in detail, the time he shared this summer with Favre, who seems to have finally retired for good. McCoy said the pair of quarterbacks — the graying gunslinger and his eager protégé – immersed themselves in learning.”I learned a lot,” McCoy said, “He even taught me how to pee-pee in a big boy potty, so I can’t thank him enough for the time he spent with me. I have a much better grasp of the offense and I’ll be more comfortable during games this season, now that I don’t have to wear Pampers anymore.” The news came as a surprise to many Browns fans, some of whom wondered if Favre helped him go number two as well. “We didn’t even go there,” McCoy said, laughing. “We just talked football and limited the restroom instruction to number one. He really helped me though. The guy has been peeing like a big boy for almost 40 years, so he’s a great resource to have and I appreciate him being willing to spend a couple of days with me to help me out. He even gave me a free pair of Wranglers! Check these bad boys out!” Calls to Favre seeking comment were not immediately returned.

Colt McCoy may have put his hard-living Texas Longhorn days behind him, but he’s not above getting down and dirty when he feels like he’s been provoked. During a recent interview on ESPN’s Countdown Daily, McCoy allegedly backhanded reporter Sarah Lange when she asked why the hell he was wearing a foam cowboy hat. According to a witness, the violence occurred 10 seconds into their interview. Recalling the incident, Lange said, “I thought his hat was some sort of prank. When I asked him about it, he told me he would ‘be my huckleberry’ – whatever the hell that means. The next thing I know, he bitch-slapped me.” McCoy, apparently unsatisfied with the blow, told Lange, “You’re lucky I’m a Christian.” Some say the feud between McCoy and Lange dates back to 2008, when Lange called him ‘Kevin’ several times on the air and said his performance in a college bowl game was a mere 2 out of 5 stars. McCoy demanded a public apology from Lange, but the reporter told him to ‘get bent’. According to police, no charges have been filed.