The following is an excerpt from Mike Holmgren’s press conference on Monday evening. In attendance were Dorothy, Toto, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man. No one from the Plain Dealer was present.

“Put ‘em up, put ‘em up! Which one of you first? I can fight you both together if you want! I can fight you with one paw tied behind my back. I can fight you standing on one foot. I can fight you with my eyes closed. Oh, pullin an axe on me, eh? Sneaking up on me, eh? Why, I’ll… Ruff! Rrrrrrruff!” This went on for what seemed like an eternity. When asked for clarification on what the hell he was talking about, Holmgren had this to say, “I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do! I do! I do!”

Attention Plain Dealer: This is my way of saying: PLEASE STOP USING THE PICTURE SHOWN ABOVE! Holmgren looks ridiculous in it!

Thank you,
Brownie Man