The Cleveland Browns have already started to make room on their offseason roster. On Wednesday afternoon, coach Shurmur and a few of his henchmen made their way through the team weight room in Berea, cutting several “expendable” players with a 3-inch box cutter. This is apparently the way the new staff plans to let players know their services are no longer needed. But only one big name headlined the list of victims.

The AP reported that defensive tackle Shaun Rogers was among five Browns to be slashed on the arms, legs, and buttocks by coach Shurmur before being notified of their release. Also on the cut list: linebacker Eric Barton, linebacker David Bowens, tight end Robert Royal, and tackle John St. Clair.

Some of the attacks came as no surprise. They were “Mangini guys” and their production no longer matched their salary, making them easy prey for the armed and angry coach. Bowens and Barton may not have fit in the team’s new defense, but Rogers’ release is more notable. The Browns clearly believed he was no longer worth all the bullshit, considering his $5.5 million salary and shaky health.

All of the victims of the attack survived but are pretty pissed off. It is unclear if Shurmur and his men will be brought up on formal charges. As far as we can tell, the team has simply moved on. It will be interesting to see if teams show interest in signing the wounded players before a possible work stoppage.

As Eric Mangini packed his shit into boxes, Browns President Mike Holmgren was already looking for his replacement. One day after another losing season, the search was underway in Cleveland for a new coach, the one Holmgren said, “will eventually lead us to a championship.” However, it should be noted that Mike had been sniffing glue just prior to his interview with brownieman.net.

Granted a second season by Holmgren, Mangini was dismissed less than two years after being hired by owner Randy Lerner, who was convinced he had found the next Bill Belichick. But, he too, has an affinity for drugs and spends much of his free time on his private unicorn ranch. The Browns went 5-11 for the second straight season, and although they showed some progress under Mangini, it wasn’t enough to keep his dream job.

During a morning meeting, only hours after an embarrassing 41-9 home loss to Pittsburgh, Holmgren thanked Mangini for his efforts. He then drew Eric a picture that explained his fate, stating that his time was up. “It’s difficult,” Holmgren said. “I’ve never had to do this before, and I’m not exactly a great artist, you know? I’m a football guy. But I think my stick figure is pretty good. He’s skinnier than Eric is, sure, but I think he got the point.” At 10:04 a.m., the Browns released a statement announcing the coaching change. By 11 a.m., Holmgren was sending request forms to NFL teams asking permission to speak with their coaches. He did not reveal names of any potential candidates, but did say that any change would be a good one. “A goddamn orangutan could do better than 5-11,” he said. “The people of Cleveland deserve better.”

Holmgren said his search will not be limited to those with pro experience or ones favoring a West Coast offense. And, he doesn’t have a timetable to name Cleveland’s fifth coach since 1999. Money, he said, is no object – just before taking another whiff of airplane glue.