After just a couple of weeks of practice, the new Browns’ offense made an impressive preseason debut Saturday night. Colt McCoy engineered two touchdowns in three possessions and the backups made them hold up in a 27-17 victory over the Green Bay Packers, making a winner of Pat Shurmur in his first exhibition game as an NFL head coach. “It was fun. It was very exciting,” Shurmur said. “Screw the regular season. This team is ready for the playoffs!” McCoy was almost perfect on his two scoring drives. He was 9-of-10 for 135 yards, tossing a 27-yard touchdown pass to Josh Cribbs and setting up a Peyton Hillis TD on a 37-yard seam pass to tight end Benjamin Watson. Although the game didn’t count for shit, the Browns players and fans seemed poised to schedule a Super Bowl victory parade in 2012. It’s worth noting though that Green Bay’s starters only played for a few minutes. That didn’t seem to matter to RB Peyton Hillis.”I can’t believe these guys won it all last year,” said Hillis, who had a 3-yard scoring run and 16 yards overall on five carries. “I can see why EA Sports picked me for the cover of Madden NFL this year.” Shurmur did nothing but add fuel to the fire. “I thought the team looked pretty damn sharp. We executed well, and put points on the board against the defending Super Bowl champs. That has to count for something. I want a bronze statue outside of Cleveland Browns stadium right fuckin now!” McCoy thought the team looked pretty good as well. “We wanted to create a tempo that would allow us to kick the shit out of Green Bay, and as you can see by the scoreboard over my shoulder there, we did just that.”

In April of this year, EA Sports announced that the face of Madden NFL 12 will be Cleveland Browns running back Peyton Hillis. It’s a nice honor for a player from a small-market team, but history has shown it’s not always a good thing to be on the Madden cover. Just take a look at what’s happened to the guys who have graced previous covers:

• 2011: Drew Brees – Was forced by EA Sports to change his last name to “Blows” in last year’s edition of the video game.
• 2010: Troy Polamalu & Larry Fitzgerald – They had to share the cover due to a tie in a “Whose Team Sucks More” contest. Polamalu went on to injure his knee while taking a dump and only played five games. Fitzgerald had a Pro Bowl season, but almost committed suicide twice when he realized he still plays for the Cardinals.
• 2009: Brett Favre – Traded to Jets and lost 4 of the last 5 games he played in; then he got busted for sending pictures of his junk to some chic.
• 2008: Vince Young – Missed one game with quad injury and went on to have a severe mental breakdown.
• 2007: Shaun Alexander – Fractured foot during a trip to the dentist and missed six games. But at least he still has perfect teeth.
• 2006: Donovan McNabb – A sports hernia caused him to miss seven games; feuded with Terrell Owens all year about whose hernia it was. Owens argued that it belonged to him.
• 2005: Ray Lewis – Broke wrist while masturbating, missed one game; After a similar incident he missed 10 games the following year.
• 2004: Michael Vick – Fractured fibula one day after video game was released, missed 11 games; went on to kill dogs for fun. Then went to prison, which was not fun.
• 2003: Marshall Faulk – Injured his ankle, missed two games, and never rushed for 1,000 yards again; got fat and became a broadcaster.
• 2002: Daunte Culpepper – the Vikings has a stellar 4-7 record before his season-ending knee injury.
• 2001: Eddie George – the former OSU star fumbled in playoffs as the top-seeded Titans lost first game to Ravens of all teams.
• 2000: Barry Sanders – Retired one week before training camp. Pissed off Madden and everyone at EA Sports, thus creating the cover curse.

Right about now, we’re thinking the NFL lockout may be the best thing that has happened to Hillis since he learned how to hurdle defensive backs.