According to the Associate Press, the Brown Knight has pleaded with Cleveland Browns fans to respect all people without discrimination or the threat of violence during a recent interview about the upcoming NFL draft. “Respect others, regardless of their jersey color, nationality, language, or religion”, Brownie Man said, “It is important to keep this in mind, even when they are different than us.” But following the interview, he openly admitted that it was really just a PR stunt that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell forced him into and that the words were as hollow as Dan Rooney’s Yinzer-ass skull. He later added, “I live in my mother’s basement and dress up like a super hero on acid…AND YOU TAKE ME SERIOUSLY?! Come on man…get a clue.”

Sam-I-Am always wants dessert first: for breakfast, lunch and dinner – but who doesn’t? Recognizing the problem with obesity in Pittsburgh, registered dietitian and devoted mother Christine Weber has been working with the Dr. Seuss Foundation on a new book entitled, “What the F*ck is This Sh*t?!” The new full-color illustrated book shows young Yinzers who gorge themselves on junk food that eating balanced, colorful meals can be fun too! On page 4 of the book, mommy and daddy make a deal with Sam: He can eat a treat as long as he also eats a fruit or vegetable with his meal. Eventually Sam learns to like healthy food and loses over 250 pounds at the climactic ending of the story. Although it seems like common sense to most people, the book caters to the unintelligent youth of the Steel City. In order to get them to open the book, Weber insisted that the publisher slap a Pittsburgh Steelers logo on the cover. Whether or not kids will actually read it and take heed remains to be seen. Young Yinzers and their parents could surely benefit from this educational and fun story, which is available at local bookstores now for $19.99.

Daryl Jenks, pictured at left, took a trip to the local video store on Thursday night. Little did he realize that brownieman.net would be there to snap his picture. I’m not sure what I like best about Mr. Jenks: the leather Stillers coat in 80 degree heat, the Guns & Roses studded belt, or the frosted-tip mullet. Art Rooney II was not in the store when the picture was taken, but this reporter has a hard time believing that Art would defend the appearance of a moron like this. Jenks is just a gold necklace away from the next edition of Ripley’s Believe it or Not. We all know those crazy Yinzers love showing their Stiller pride, but I have a hard time not laughing when I see fans like this. God bless them!

With the start of Browns training camp still weeks away, and the folks at brownieman.net are doing what all Browns fans are doing – killing time and drinking heavily. So we invite you to participate in an interesting debate that was posed by one of our more educated staff writers:

If a Yinzer gets punched in the nose, but no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Mark from Chicago, IL writes, “Can something exist without being perceived? The most immediate philosophical question that the riddle introduces involves the existence of the fist and its sound (striking the Yinzer’s nose) outside of human perception. If no one is around to see, hear, touch or smell the fist, how could its existence occur? I’m not sure, but I would like to test this theory out at a tailgate this season.”

Ryan from Allentown, PA writes, “Can we assume the unobserved world functions the same as the observed world? I think the real question here is whether or not an unobserved event occurs predictably, like it occurs when it is observed. For example, if I observed a terrible towel waving Yinzer getting punched in the nose, I would expect to see him stumble backwards and fall. I’m not sure I would expect the same result if I was not there to see it.”

Bob from Culbert, AL adds, “The fact that the Yinzer’s nose is known to have changed state from ‘unbroken ‘ to ‘broken’ implies that the event must be observed to ask the question at all – even if only by the supposedly deaf onlooker.”

Three very interesting perspectives – but what do you think?

The Chinese government has demanded the city of Pittsburgh return NFL sideline reporter Deng Li Yang, who was kidnapped by Yinzer commandos at Heinz Field. China’s President, Hu Jintao urged the mayor of Pittsburgh to put pressure on the moronic fan base to comply. Brownieman.net contacted a senior Chinese peace negotiator for comment on the situation. “Abducting our first and only NFL sideline reporter is an act of stupidity we haven’t seen before. We have been told that Yang coughed a few times on the sideline, and her coughs were mistaken for dog barks common among Cleveland Browns fans. Shortly thereafter, Yinzer commandos asked to take a photo with her, then stuffed her in a burlap sack and into a vehicle waiting outside the stadium. This was an act of piracy that cannot be tolerated,” the source said from his home in Shanghai. Yang has not been seen since the incident occurred. Jintao would not rule out the possibility of nuclear war if she is not returned safely.